Fearless or Stupid? The Dirty Bulk for Dummies
Building muscle is a pain in the butt. It takes months, if not years of strict dieting to gain real mass and most men aren’t starting at the same place, or with access to steroids, or that awesome gene that turns everything into muscle with a little force. Building muscle takes years and starting late can make it seem like eternity.
That’s why so many men look to the dirty bulk, a notorious mass gainer that only the brave, or the stupid, take on. It consists of a heavy diet of eating as much food as humanly possible, even if it’s total crap. It has some of the fastest results, and worst of drawbacks. Regardless of the risk, men everywhere engage this beast for a taste of thick mass.
There are two laws of bulking:
- Your body will keep EVERYTHING. If it can’t be used for energy now, it will be stored for later.
- You can build muscle with any surplus diet and exercise (and protein).
As long as your workout is as dense as your diet your body will convert everything as best as it can. So do you want that big mac instead of carrots? I’m sure you do. Maybe go ahead and eat 2… or 3. It can’t hurt right?
Thousands have had a difficult time building mass, which is why the dirty bulk is still an option. And for those who struggle so much it seems fun and effective, but what are the side effects to such an extreme measure? And is there an alternative?
LIFESTYLE OF A DIRTY BULK:
The biggest pros of a dirty bulk are that it is fun, fast, and effective. You can eat what you want, when you want and will gain weight. It can even help you build muscle.
If you plan on starting this you’ll probably start feeling a bit like Bilbo Baggins. Lots of meals, all the time, with lots of food each time. I don’t mean your regular breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I mean breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner, and supper. And if you want, that midnight snack is probably a good idea.
During a dirty bulk you should be getting anywhere between 3-5000 calories, and if you can get more then go for it. The only rule is that you keep your numbers up to get that scale up. That tub of ice cream in your freezer? Time to finish it.
The only thing you really have to keep an eye on is making sure that you get enough proportional protein, so get the extra large steak, it will be great. The last thing you want from a bulk is a large buildup of fat with no muscle growth underneath. It’s not conducive to your gains to eat a loaf of bread without the meat and cheese between each slice.
And while you’re at it, be sure to get the regular gym sesh in, your trying to bulk, not become obese. This part shouldn’t be too different from a typical bulking season schedule, at least 6 hours a week at the gym, a day to rest, and get a good night’s sleep.
Now if any of that scared you, the rest of this article is unnecessary for you. You got the point and it won’t hurt my feelings if you move on to an article where it will teach you how to clean bulk, or at least to my advice in the last section. Whatever works.
BUT if the idea of a dirty bulk sounds even better than you should read this section and take some good notes.
The drawbacks to the dirty bulk are quite frightening and they can have long lasting impacts.
Probably the least frightening drawback is how much you have to consume, you need to eat that many calories regardless of your bulk plan. But if you’re dedicating your bulking time to a dirty bulk, your calories will be dirty. And taking in that many toxic, sugar or fat filled calories is not only absolutely disgusting. But it’s got some really bad impacts.
You will get fat. There’s no way around it. A dirty bulk will inherently make you fat regardless of how much you workout. If that doesn’t scare you then maybe the idea of heart disease, diabetes, and obesity will. Because they follow shortly behind large levels of fat, you can almost bet that you will be borderline any one of these during your bulking session.
Your new best friend will be Jon, because you will poop. A LOT. Like more than you thought possible to come from your body, and if you don’t spend half your day sitting on the toilet you can bet it will all come right back up during that extra hard swole sesh. Forget ab programs, a crunch will mess with your stomach more than you thought possible.
And probably the hardest to take, even more so than the potential life threatening impacts of gaining that much fat, is that this fat won’t be easy to burn off. Especially if you’re starting out as a relatively skinny guy the thought of burning fat is a distant problem, but it is what makes this bulking plan the least worth it for most athletes.
What is the point of getting so big if you have to cut 70% of it out to get that cool sculpted look?
The Sweet Spot:
If you have made it this far into the article you have no doubt realized that your ideas about bulking are a bit off and you need an alternative.
So I figured I sweeten the deal and give you a little advice on how to hit that sweet spot with a good bulk. Believe it or not there is a good “in between” spot for mass gain and it doesn’t require 6 pounds of carrots and 2 tubs of ice cream.
First you really ought to calculate how many calories you need to be getting to put you well past expenditure. I have no doubt you’ve already done this, but it’s just a reminder for those who like to wing it. From there you plan out how much per hour you plan on eating, get your macros figured out, and it’s better to be protein heavy than not. Carbs make you bulk faster, but protein makes you bulk cleaner, and trust me, you’ll still be getting enough carbs to be more than happy.
Having a solid meal plan will have you feeling better physically and emotionally and you’ll see better muscular gains rather than just straight fat gains.
And this is where it is worth it to have the best supplements. Clean and fast gains require proper nutrients to make sure you get the most out of each day. Invest in a proper bulking protein, or if you’re lactose intolerant invest in an isolate. This will help you hit your daily protein goals without killing too much stomach space.
Hitting your calories and maximizing your calorie macros for the best protein to carb to fat ratio. You should still be hitting AT LEAST 3000 calories in your bulk, and that is the bottom line, so getting in the right proteins and mostly right carbs and fats while eating the good stuff too.
Your goal shouldn’t be extreme, it should hit right in the sweet spot to get the right kind of gains.